Extracts From Elrond's Diary
by thejedisentinel
Summary: Prissy, princely, and utterly pinched - Elrond and Arda as you never imagined them. Taken from an online RPG I used to play.


I am not amused!

For one thing, I have had to cut my holiday short, and we were going to have sugar-loaf for dessert. I _adore_ sugar-loaf.

Also, I received a simply _hysterical_ phonecall in the middle of dinner about Eomer having met an 'untimely end'. _Must_ people persist in such impoliteness? It deranged my evening _completely_. One just doesn't break horrid news like that in the middle of _dinner_. Erestor is still coughing up bits of carrot stick that haven't managed to find their way out of his oesophagus. Lindir is suffering strawberry-and-lactose enhanced **nosebleeds**. _I _am still picking bits of olive-and-chive croutons out of my _robe_. And they were _very_ good croutons as well! Doesn't **anyone** understand how difficult it is to find a restaurant that makes both drinkable soup **and** digestible croutons? Or even just _digestible_ croutons, for that matter.

At any rate, Erestor once again proved just how _indispensable_ he is to the smooth running of my household. The Elf never ceases to impress me.

Regardless of the fact that he was coughing up enough carrot bits to reconstitute an entire root, he managed to ensure that the damaged restaurant crockery was settled for, inform Reception that we would be cutting short our reservation, get a partial refund, recall the pilot from wherever he was at the beach, have the private jet readied, etc. Apart from some spots of turbulence, the return flight was pretty uneventful. For me. Unfortunately, I don't think Lindir will ever want to see the bottom of another paper bag in his life.

Elladan, Elrohir and Estel were there to receive us at Mirkwood. I was very happy to see my boys together: I have always said that family should be close at the best of times, and now that affairs in the world of Men have taken a turn for the _worse_ – it is imperative that family should stand _together_. Elladan's clothes were as sombre as a funeral. I have often thought to myself that he could do with a bit more colour in his wardrobe and a lot fewer pinstripes, and therefore helpfully informed him of that fact. He looked as if I had slapped him across the face, and said, "But Ada! You cannot be serious - I am wearing colour...! The _pinstripes_ are blue!"

At least he has inherited my _unswervingly_ good taste in shoes and fabrics.

Elrohir looked paler than when I left to go on holiday. He had lost weight, and there were dark circles about his eyes. Naturally, I demanded to know what sort of hours he was keeping, and if he had been eating properly. Unfortunately, I did not get to hear his answer as we had reached the cars by that time - or rather, the cars had reached_ us_, a fact to which I was alerted by the dramatic screech of tires accompanied by some rather _choice_ curses from Elladan. Come to think of it, Ellie was cursing in every extant Elvish dialect simultaneously: I must speak to him about the sort of company he keeps. His vocabulary is now _most_ undesirable. In fact, I am very curious to know who Ellie is 'hanging out' with, since some of the epithets that Ellie used have not circulated since the time of the Last Alliance...

I turned my attention to the individual at whom Ellie seemed to be venting his (impossible) temper, and immediately acquired an understanding of an entirely possible cause of Elrohir's presentations of insomnia and malnutrition. Estel's latest attempt at 'self expression' is nothing if not _exceedingly_ bizzare. He wore a mass of luridly-coloured clothing, if a mishmash of multicoloured feather boas hurriedly strung together and wrapped around the body can be accurately described as 'clothing'. Purple sparklies adorned his ankles and wrists. Estel had also cut his hair. _Some_ of it. I thought to myself that I had seen neater pigeons' nests.

Estel grinned madly and hurled himself out of the car. "Welcome home, Ada!" he screamed. I gave Estel a hug and said it was very nice to see him again; at which point I distinctly felt his hand sneaking around to my side pocket. I glared at Estel. He gave me a sheepish grin and said, "Airport security" before pulling away and scarpering back to the car. Inwardly, I congratulated myself on my foresight in replacing my wallet with a bag of sweets.

Citizens, I have returned.


End file.
